I’m not much for New Year’s resolutions. They typically don’t last, leaving me feeling like a failure. But this year I decided to have just one. It’s not your typical resolution. I’m not resolving to exercise more, eat less chocolate, spend more time with my kids, or wake up even earlier to read my Bible before my kids wake up. I probably need to do all of those things. I hope some of them will happen, but mostly I just want to work on just being me.
You see, in the world of social media, peer pressure, and my own crippling insecurity, I’ve lost sight of who I am. I’ve become so focused on who I think others want me to be that I’ve lost my joy.
I’ve rejected the person God made me to be in search of someone I wish I could be. I’ve burdened myself with guilt because I’m not more athletic, or healthy, or artistic. I’ve beaten myself up because I don’t have a business-minded bone in my body. I’ve guilted myself because I don’t have the talent to create a booming home business or the energy to stay up late at night building up a big blog following.
I’ve allowed myself to feel like a failure because I don’t enjoy cooking, can’t stand running, struggle feeling comfortable in social situations, and don’t love cooing over newborns.
But that is not who I am. If I’m going to believe God when He says I am “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14), then I need to accept that He created me exactly the way he wanted me.
Sally Clarkson wrote a wonderful blog post about taking time each New Year’s to declutter one’s soul–to deal with and dispose of sin, attitudes, and actions that steal our joy and hinder our relationship with Christ and those around us (http://sallyclarkson.com/blog/2016/12/16/a-tradition-for-the-new-year-decluttering-my-soul). And that is what I need to do.
Did you notice that list? sin, attitudes, and actions. Not talents, interests, or personality types.
God knew me and designed me long before I was born. He created me with unique strengths and weaknesses for the life He intended me to live. He made me interested in books and music. He did not design me to be business minded, athletic, or tall!
There are things I need to change. But there are also things about me that are not meant to change. So I will ask Him to help me change what needs changing and accept the rest of me just as I am.
After all, some of the things I think of as weaknesses actually might be my greatest strengths.