“God’s grace + my weakness = ENOUGH”
This quote from Introverted Mom by Jamie C Martin is sprawled across my three-pane bathroom mirror. The permanent black ink defying bathroom cleaner spray and toothpaste smears left by three sets of little hands. Truth standing strong against the changing emotions of daily life.
Each time I walk into the bathroom, it serves as a stark reminder to me of all that I am not and all that God is.
And when I am honest with myself, I hate it. I hate my weakness, my chronic health issues, and my dependence on others.
But I also love it because I cannot be enough on my own. On the many, many days I lack the physical and emotional strength to take care of my self, let alone a husband and three small children, I am reminded that God’s grace is powerful and limitless.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I [Paul] will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (II Cor. 12:9)
When I am weak, I am forced to stop being self-sufficient and rely on that grace. It isn’t easy. Letting go of my control and pride is a messy process full of the cycling emotions of fear, anger, and hopelessness. I’ve cried so many tears this summer. I’ve pounded my pillow. And I’ve asked “why” a thousand times.
Accepting God’s grace is not a one-time decision. It’s a moment-by-moment choice that hurts even as it liberates. It hurts because it forces me to remember my fallibility. But it liberates because of its mercy.
And the liberation is real. I don’t have to carry the burden alone. I don’t have to rely on my own failing strength or emotions. When I push away my pride and admit I need help, the relief is overwhelming–like the arrival of a cool breeze on a stifling day. I stop berating myself for all I cannot do. I find beauty in the imperfections. And I rejoice in what I can accomplish with His help.
So I ask God once again for His grace. His grace to accept the life He’s given me. His grace to get out of bed and deal with one day at a time. And His grace to see the blessings He gives each day. Then I choose moment by moment to let go of impossible perfection and accept grace.